Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
