went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Reggie can tackle my bush.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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