I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
