I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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