New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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