you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
is it fun? or sober?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
