Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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