He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
He felt like a one man threesome
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
