so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
So here I am, sexting at work.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
