we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
