i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
this hospital has no fireball
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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