I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
