the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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