This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
