Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
