New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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