uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
