my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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