a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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