NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
