Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
