the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
