his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
