lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
