Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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