Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
