Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
