There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
