i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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