she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
