i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
