i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
