Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Text me some of your sweat
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