Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
