What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
