Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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