I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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