I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
