Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I just found puke in my bra..
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
