You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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