He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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