There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
