and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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