I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
