This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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