craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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