put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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