marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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