everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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