to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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