It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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