Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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