he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
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